Questions with no answers

My life has been a bit different, more conventional, more driven and more distracted at times. Most of the time, putting off things that should have been more important, but yet were suppressed for one reason or another. I believe that a lot of what we carry around is grief for those people and things that we haven't yet let go of. A lot of people have hurt me over the years, and I believe instead of dealing with it, I shove it inside and keep moving forward. I feel if I am not moving forward, then there is no productivity. Whatever happened to just living in the moment and enjoying the little things? Maybe this listlessness is due to a lack of encouragement. All through my life, everyone has always assumed that I could do whatever I wanted with no sort of effort. There was no doubt to them that what I set out to accomplish could be attained. Even the great need encouragement. In the end, it gave me no hope to strive forward for much else. This could be the main reason I have failed at so many things…just to prove them wrong. Most days, I just want someone there to tell me I’m doing good and things are where they are supposed to be. Reality is, most days I wander through the 9 to 5 anticipating the end. Not very concerned with the end result, more so, just the end. I am aware of the daily tasks I must complete. But there has to be more to this life. I believe I need that ‘something more’. You should never argue with one’s own understanding and how you perceive things, because that is the equivalent of questioning your intelligence. For this reason, I find myself arguing with me over and over again.